The dating thing

Eins og allir vita þá er ekki alltaf jafn auðvelt að fara á deit..
EN!.. oftar en ekki þá er gott að monta sig smávegis af tónlistarhfileikum..
hérna er besta deit-stradegían sem ég veit um..

Kif: Um, sir? I don't go out on many dates and uh, what if I can't think of anything to say?

Zapp: Here's my personal book of pickup lines. [He hands Kif a small black book.]
Say as many as you can as fast as you can. Don't stop for any reason.

Kif: Maybe I'll just give her these flowers.

[Zapp takes them and hits Kif with them.]

Zapp: Wrong wrong wrong. And what's that? Candy? Candy's for dorks! Give me that.
[He takes the box and starts eating the chocolates. He walks away from Kif.] Mmm!

[Scene: Le Palm D'Orbit. The restaurant pilot is also the maitre'd.
He takes his hands off the wheel to hand some people a menu. Amy and Leela are already at the table.
Amy wears a light blue dress with designer holes in places and Leela wears her cryogenic officer's jacket.
Zapp and Kif arrive.]

Zapp: Hello beautiful. I got these for you.

[He hands her Kif's flowers and sits down.]

Leela: Thanks.

[She sets fire to them and puts them in Zapp's glass of water.]

Zapp: Well, well. This looks to be one disturbingly erotic date.

Leela: Half date.

Zapp: Waiter, bring us a bottle of wine.

Leela: Half bottle.

Zapp: And some oysters on the half shell.

Leela: Quarter shell.

Kif: Oh, and I'd like -

[Zapp puts his hand over Kif's mouth.]

Zapp: Kif's not hungry. (quietly) Kif, this place is expensive.
(talking) I'll like a steak and the ladies will have some very sensual salads with low-cal sensual dressing.

[Amy smiles at Kif and he giggles.]

[Time Lapse. It happens to be Kareoke Night at the restaurant and Morbo sings Lipps Inc's Funkytown.]

Morbo: (singing) Oh won't you take me to funkytown,
Oh won't you take me to funkytown.
[The song ends and the audience applauds.]
(talking) Thank you.

[At the table the meals have arrived.]

Amy: Kif, you're so quiet. You haven't said a word all night.

Kif: Well, um, uh...hello.

Amy: 'Cause I was really hoping we could talk and stuff.

[Kif stutters and gasps then downs a glass of wine and takes out Zapp's book.]

Kif: Amy, (reading) if I said you had a beautiful body would you take your pants off and dance around a little?

[Zapp smirks and picks his teeth with a toothpick.]

Amy: What?!

Leela: Lieutenant Kroker!

[Zapp winks at Kif and thumbs ups. Kif gasps and reads some more.]

Kif: (reading) I find the most erotic part of the woman is the boobies

Amy: Kif!

Kif: Oh my.

[Leela stands up.]

Leela: This half date is entirely over. Amy? Conference!

[They walk off and Kif groans.]

Kif: Is there nothing we can do sir?

Zapp: There's only one surefire way back into a woman's heart and parts beyond. I speak of course, of kareoke.

Kif: (determined) My years in the DOOP Boys' Chorus will not have been in vain!

(og fólk veltir því fyrir sér hversvegna ég er einhleypur..)